Loneliness
by AnnaLiz2012
Summary: Sam and Dylan fic - How will Dylan react when Sam's past begins to affect her present? How will Sam feel if Dylan suddenly isn't there any more...? Rated M to give me room to be creative...
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Casualty fic, and I've tried to make it stay as true to the characters as possible (hopefully I've managed it). If you spot any errors at allplease let me know, but other than that, enjoy :)**

Doctor Sam Nicholls sat in the staff room, gingerly sipping at the source of desperately needed caffeine that she cradled in both hands. Sam did not notice anything strange about this image; she drank coffee in the staff room every morning before her shift began. However, as the much needed hot coffee burned down her sore throat, she began to realise that things weren't as they should be. Glancing around her, she took in the complete emptiness of the room, the lack of any sort of buzz, which there normally was. Sam felt the silence pressing in on her, both deafening and suffocating her. "Something is wrong", she whispered to herself. "Something's wrong…"

Instantly alert, she looked around the room more carefully, looking for signs of disturbance, anything to show that she was not the only one to have been in the room that morning. She found nothing. "Strange…" she pondered aloud, shifting her now empty mug aimlessly from hand to hand. "Even when I'm early there's always someone here." Sam sat down again on the large plush sofa in the corner of the room and rested her head on the arm, at the same time receiving a painful reminder of the headache that had been plaguing her every waking moment for as long as she could remember. Sighing resignedly, she closed her eyes, in the vain hope that she might be able to get some rest before the others arrived, an escape from the dull throb for just a short while. But this wasn't to be. Suddenly Sam found herself thrust painfully back into the events of the night before.

_Sam whipped around as the sound of a gunshot crackled in the air around her, every muscle in her lean body tensed as she instinctively allowed herself to fall to the ground. "Get DOWN!" She hissed viciously at her frightened looking colleague, dragging him to the ground beside her. "Do you want to be killed?!"  
"Sam…" He moved closer to her and she felt a gentle hand rest on her small of her back, turning her around, before another cupped her chin; raising her head. "What do you think you're doing?!" Sam had practically screamed at him, making no secret of her rage. "DO YOU WANT TO GET US KILLED!?"  
"Sam, it's ok…" His voice shook with fear, but was still soft. It had felt strangely comforting in the midst of battle. "They're gone Major Nicholls, we got rid of them…"  
"Good…" Sam had replied as she began to notice the blurring of her eyes, something she had put down to the dust and heat, was becoming worse. "We'll make a soldier of you yet, Keogh", she had smiled, reaching up to pat his shoulder, before the world went black._


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope you're all enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it, it's my first writing effort for a while. From now on I will try and post an update at least every Saturday night, if not more frequently :) Thanks for reading and please review, any feedback at all is appreciated :) Thanks x**

"She was drunk" Dylan stated clearly, standing to address his assembled colleagues; all of whom had witnessed his ex-wife's irrational behaviour last night. "This isn't unusual for her when she's drunk." Dylan paused uncomfortably, swallowing hard and trying to avoid the over-curious gazes of the crowd in front of him who were clearly hanging on his every word. "I know Sam seems… unbothered by her time in the army, but let me tell you, this isn't the case." Dylan concluded, looking around them, trying to gauge by the looks on their faces whether they had understood what it was that he was trying to tell them. The blank look on the faces of Linda, Lloyd and Scarlett instantly told him that they didn't have the faintest idea, whereas he noticed that Mr Jordan was looking concerned and Big Mike was staring at him with a strange expression on his face. Dylan thought back, recalling Neil the receptionist mentioning something about him being ex-army too, so he hoped that he at least could understand what Sam was going through. As he stood there in the silence, he realised that he would need to expand, if only for the dim-witted few who didn't understand his method of communication, "Sam has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. She drinks to forget it all, hence why she was out with you all last night, but it only brings it back worse, which is why she thought Mr Jordan was shooting at her when his car backfired." Without pausing to answer the questions that were being fired at him from all directions, he turned and quickly exited the room.

Dylan was walking down the corridor to the staff room, still reeling from being forced into telling his colleagues about Sam's Post Traumatic Stress. However, he felt confident that he'd told them enough for them to understand her sometimes less than rational behaviour without informing the whole hospital about what had triggered Sam's condition. The thought of the silent empty room, and being left with just his thoughts was highly appealing. Although Dylan also knew that he wanted to be the one to greet Sam when she came into work this morning, most likely exhausted, incredibly hung-over and in need of support after her flashback last night. He would never admit it to her or to anyone else, including himself, it broke his heart to see her so distressed; it made him just want to hold her close to him and never let her go.

Sam looked up as Dylan entered the room, smiling weakly at the look of surprise on his face. "So there is life in this hospital then..?" He nodded, the faintest sparkle of shock in his eyes at seeing his wife up and in work so early, especially considering the sheer amount of alcohol that she had consumed the previous night. Busying himself with making coffee, he threw questions over his shoulder at her small form. "How are you feeling this morning?"  
"A bit better, thank you..." Sam mumbled, rubbing her sleepy eyes and hauling her heavy, exhausted body off the sofa in order to join him by the kettle. "Look, Dylan..."  
"Sam, don't speak. I understand you and how you work; I don't need you to say anything by way of thanks." Brushing off her grateful comments, he put another mug of strong, steaming coffee down in front of her. "Just drink it Sam, take some painkillers, have a nap or something..." He trailed off as he sat down beside her, not knowing what else to say, and the pair fell into a comfortable silence, with Sam leaning lightly into his shoulder. They remained seated together for a good half an hour or so, before Dylan noticed Sam's eyes starting to droop. Gently taking the empty mug from her hands, he placed it on the table and lifted her up onto the sofa so that she could stretch out as she slept, her beautiful long blonde hair fanning out over his lap. Unable to resist her beauty as she slept, Dylan leant down and placed a tentative kiss on her pale forehead. "Sleep well Samantha..."


	3. Chapter 3

"Ok, guys we've got Sofia Jones, 32 years old, fell off her horse during a parade after he was spooked by an air gun firing, suspected broken left arm and fracture of the left ankle, she hit her head as she went down and has minor abrasions to the face, KO'ed at the scene. She's been given codeine for the pain, blood pressure normal." Dixie listed off the injuries to their young patient as Sam followed the paramedics from the entrance to the ED.  
"Actually," the patient growled, her voice harsh and her eyes steely despite the level of pain she was suffering. "Actually, it's Captain Sofia Jones to you, thank you very much." The woman glared at the paramedic who looked stunned at her aggressive and quite frankly unnecessary outburst. Sam noticed the hurt in her colleague's expression and, surprisingly, the tears that started to fill her eyes. This unusual behaviour from the normally strong-willed Dixie instinctively made Sam squeeze her shoulder as a means of comfort before she turned on her patient.  
"Well, if that it is the case, Captain…" She practically spat the word out at her, "You will respect those of a higher rank than you and shut up!" Sam barely registered the fact that the whole ward was now silent and staring, watching her as she practically shouted at the insolent woman and didn't move as she noticed Dylan watching her from the corner of her eye. "You have no right to speak to my colleagues in that manner!"  
"Is that so?!" Sofia shouted back at her, using her good arm to raise herself up and visibly wincing in pain. "You're just a doctor sweetheart, don't try and understand my world. I'm being deployed to Afghanistan in three weeks so just get me patched up will you?!" Sam blinked furiously as the woman's words cut into her deeply, feeling her blood boiling and her face flushing with anger.  
"You won't last five minutes out there with this attitude sweetheart; I've seen what it's like out there. Now just be a good girl, shut up and do as your told." Grabbing hold of the trolley before Sofia could say anymore, Sam began to move her through to the ward where a bed was awaiting her. Smiling sweetly, she added, "and you can call me Major Nicholls, ok?"

Dylan walked quickly down the corridor, away from the busy ED and into the quietness of the basement, hovering outside the door of the store room. He couldn't believe just how much the events of this time the previous year still affected him. Although he knew that the event had deeply affected the whole hospital, but he knew that he was the only one who had felt the need to come down here, to the place where the woman he had killed had been found. Leaning back against the door he closed his eyes, only for the image of Polly's dead body to be shown quite clearly to him. He could still quite clearly imagine the scene as Jordan had pronounced her dead. He could remember feeling their stares burning into his flesh and had to flee from the situation that was threatening to overwhelm him. His movement from the room had broken the spell that had fallen over the staff; none of them moving, speaking, barely even breathing in the aftermath of the unspeakable horror that had unfolded before them to one of their own. He remembered Zoe rushing after him, and the fact that the overwhelming wave of pain and grief for Polly, a woman he barely even knew, had made him brush her off as if she didn't exist. He remembered taking Dervla home that night and sobbing into her neck as he washed Polly's blood from her fur, watching as his own tears had mingled with the tinted red of the water.

So deep into his thoughts was he, that Dylan didn't even register the tears that were pouring down his face until he felt a soft hand brushing them away. Opening his eyes, misty with unshed tears, he stared into Sam's confused face. "Why are you crying…?" She asked gently, moving closer to him and hugging him. "What's the matter?"  
"Just leave it Sam. Don't you have a soldier to treat?!" Dylan's immediately wished that he hadn't spoken as he saw her flinch.  
"Dylan… Talk to me, let me in?" Her eyes were sad as she gently patted his chest, over his heart. "Come on, I know there's one in there, let me into that big old heart of yours…"  
"I killed someone alright?! I killed someone! It's all my fault!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Here's my next chapter, hope you all enjoy it. I'm not entirely sure what I think but please review and let me know what you think! (BIG thanks to .11 for reviewing and spurring me on with this!) :D x**

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Sam staggered and swayed before allowing herself to slump against the wall. Dylan, her Dylan, had killed someone? She didn't believe it. Dylan wasn't capable of hurting anyone; he couldn't kill a fly, never mind another human being. She stared at his large frame, curled up and sobbing in the middle of the room and felt the tears starting to flow down her cheeks. Something had gone seriously wrong for the man that she loved, her Grumpy, to be in a state like this… Sliding down the wall, she brought her knees into her chest and rested her head on them; her heart was pounding so hard and her head whirling so fast at the awful words that had left Dylan's mouth that it was all she could do not to be sick. The first that she knew of another person's presence was the patting of boots on the floor past her. Looking up, she noticed that Dixie was kneeling at Dylan's side; cradling his head in her arms and saying something so quietly that Sam couldn't quite catch it. Although she knew that she was being irrational she couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that shot through her body. SHE should be the one to comfort her husband, not the paramedic who barely knew him.

"Dylan it wasn't your fault sweetheart…" Dixie soothed, gently squeezing his hand. "And you know that our Pol wouldn't want you feeling like this." Dylan mumbled a response, roughly wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.  
"But it is my fault Dix, if I'd just…"  
"What's going on?" Sam's voice was quiet, but the surprise on Dixie's face showed that she hadn't seen her there.  
"Hey Sammy sweetheart," Dixie held out her free arm, a sympathetic look on her face. "Come over here, I'll help Dylan explain…"

"Come on Grumpy", Sam had coaxed Dylan up into a sitting position and was sat on the dusty floor, holding him close to her and occasionally kissing him and whispering words of comfort. This was not a side to either of the doctors that either Jeff, who had arrived armed with coffees and a bumper box of tissues, or Dixie had seen before and they had no idea how to handle the situation. After Dylan had managed to tell Sam about what had happened that day, the sickness that she had felt had been immediately swept away and replaced with a feeling of intense sadness; for both the loss of such a young and vibrant life, as well as the pain that her husband was feeling. Instinct had won over at that moment and she had moved even closer to her husband, wrapping her arms around him so that her small body was protecting his larger frame. This had been her way of comforting him when they were married, not that he had been so upset very often, but she also drew strength from having Dylan's warm body so close to hers. Part of her mind was telling her to be restrained in front of her colleagues; the cool, calm and restrained Sam that they were used to, but both Jeff and Dixie had seen more of her than the others. They knew that she wasn't entirely as she appeared; that there was emotion under her strong exterior. However, she realised that neither of them knew the level of emotion that she had held in storage for her estranged husband.


	5. Chapter 5

Once again, a big thanks to everyone for reading :D Here's the next chapter (there will probably be another tomorrow or Thursday because I'm on a roll!) BTW the bits in italics are their thoughts.

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Her heart was thumping against her rib cage; fragile bone threatening to shatter as blind, uncontrollable terror and adrenalin coursed through her veins. Her eyes, glazed with fear, never leaving the button that could bring her young life to a tragic and, no doubt, agonising end as she subconsciously drew her gun. She was vaguely aware of the complete chaos around her, yet, strangely, the room was deafeningly silent; totally still, as if frozen in time, as she pressed down on the trigger. The sound of a gun firing; once, twice, three times, brought her back into the noise and the heat and the air; so thick with dust and the smells of blood and fear and gunpowder that it threatened to smother her. She looked around for the mysterious gunman, before a thick browny-red trickle caught her attention; running sluggishly to end in a pool at her feet. She was transfixed, wondering where on earth this stream could have stemmed from; before she felt the gun in her hand...

Sam awoke, screaming into the darkness with rivers of tears pouring down her pale, pointed face. It had always been the same, ever since that day. Sickness took hold and she soon found herself sprawled against the toilet, her entire body shuddering as she was violently sick. In her confused and disturbed state, Sam barely registered a light fly on in the corridor and the sound of footsteps padding softly towards her.  
"Sam..." A soft female voice, tinged with concern, called her name as she moved her head painfully towards the door. _There are no other women in this section..._  
"Don't come any closer, I'll shoot!" Sam whimpered pitifully, her hand instinctively going to her thigh for her gun. "I swear I will!" Panic surged through her as she realised she wasn't carrying it; how could she be so stupid, coming to war unarmed! _Just bluff it..._ she told herself, desperately trying to calm her ever-increasing heart rate. _They don't know that you're unarmed..._  
"Sammy it's Dixie sweetheart, you're staying in my flat, remember? You're in Holby darling..."  
"Holby..." Sam repeated, testing the word as she rolled her tongue around her dry mouth, as if it was an unfamiliar term. "No, stay back!" She snapped, her voice beginning to shake with terror as she realised that Dixie had taken a small, tentative step towards her; bewildered by her friend's distress.  
"Holby is where Dylan works... My husband... Do you know him?" Sam's eyes were still glazed with fear, like someone who'd been backed into a corner by a madman with no means of escape. However, Dixie couldn't escape the visible flinch of Sam's body as she started to speak again; her voice trembling as tears threatened to overwhelm her.  
"Yes sweetheart, I know Dylan" Dixie tried to be soothing, though she didn't think that she was managing it very well. "Shall I call him for you..?"

When Dylan had arrived with a reluctant looking Jeff in tow, growling something about how Sam always managed to ruin his sleep nowadays, he was greeted by a horrifying sight which made him kick himself for being so stupid. He should have known.


	6. Chapter 6

**Had inspiration for this last night in the terror of waiting for my results; who said that insomnia isn't productive? ;) Enjoy! x**

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Sam had hauled herself from the bathroom floor and had Dixie backed up against the wall, brandishing a squirty bottle of bleach which she had found under the sink; the bottle's top obviously acting in the place of the trigger of a gun. Dixie's face was white, while, in stark contrast, her eyes were red and swollen with tears. However, it was Sam's demeanour that concerned him the most. She was stood directly opposite the older woman, glaring at her with terrifyingly blank, expressionless eyes. It was one of her worse episodes, that was for sure.  
"Samantha Keogh, at ease." Dylan had called gently, encouraged by the flicker of interest that had been directed towards him. "I said at ease, Major..." He approached her cautiously, gently removing the bottle from her hands and passing it to a startled looking Jeff. "It's ok Sam, it's over now..." Dylan soothed as she crumpled into a sobbing, frightened heap in his arms. "Shhh..." As he cradled her, his mind wandered to the moment that Sam had handed him the divorce papers... _Why Sam, why? Why push me away..._ The only reason that he could think of that seemed to make sense when Dylan tried to look at it through Sam's eyes was that she was scared. She wanted to leave him to get on with his life; for him not to have to keep running to her whenever she had an episode...

"I'm sorry Dix… For scaring you…" Sam's apology had been muffled by the fact that she was covering her face with her hand; unable to look her friend in the eye and explain her actions, although now she knew that she would have to, no matter how hard it was going to be.  
"It's alright sweetheart, no harm done." Sam could tell that, although warm and comforting, it betrayed the fear that Dixie held in her heart. Their friendship ruined in just a few moments. _Well done, Major.  
_"Dix I need to explain to you what happened…" She had trailed off then, sinking back down onto the soft sofa and gratefully accepting the warm mug of hot chocolate that as pressed into her shaking hands. Dixie shook her head, mumbling something about 'not needing to know', but she knew that she and Jeff would only speculate, despite their friendship, so she knew it would be best to just tell them. _Telling them will save further embarrassment… _  
"I had some really bad times when I was on tour… Obviously we expect to be shot at, it is a war zone after all, but to be singled out…" Sam's mind drifted as she started explaining one of the main causes of her PTSD; the single most painful memory that she had from her time at Camp Bastion, and that was quite some achievement, considering some of the things that she'd been through.

_She had still been awake, scanning over some of Mr Jordan's papers; the man that she had discovered that afternoon that she would be working with after her tour was over. She hadn't paid any attention to the footsteps at first, reasoning that it was probably just one of the many squaddies who couldn't sleep going for a late night wander through the building. It was only when the footsteps stopped right outside her closed door did she even look up from her reading; convinced that it was just one of the boys coming to rib her about her need for a 'night light'.  
"Just sod off back to sleep will you?" She had laughed good-naturedly, she was fond of them all, even if they did royally take the piss.  
"I think you're the one that needs to go to sleep Major Nicholls." Sam had been surprised at the venom that had been used in speaking her name, using her title, rather than just plain Sam or Kitty like the others called her, because she was a scaredy cat, being afraid of the dark. She had been surprised for a moment before suddenly realising the two things that had been vital to her survival that night. It had been a woman's voice speaking to her, which in itself was strange because there were no other women around her here, and also the soft click of a gun being cocked before the door had been slammed open. She had been ready, lunging from the bed as a bullet left a hole in the wall directly behind where she had been sitting. In the millisecond that it took Sam to cross the room she had realised that she herself was unarmed, her was on the other side of the room where she had removed it that evening. However, in that moment the other woman had also reacted spinning and pointing the gun again at her with terrifying precision.  
"You die today." The woman had hissed at her, pulling the trigger. The second bullet had exploded through the air, directed straight at her chest. Sam danced out of the way, narrowly avoiding a fatal strike as she felt a searing pain in her right side. The sound of the first shot had brought the boys running, and the sound of another gunshot had filled the air as the enemy had lurched forward, dead before she even touched the floor; the bullet having severed her spinal cord. Sam had stood dead still; her eyes never leaving the still body of the woman who had tried to murder her. She barely noticed as her best friend slowly entered the room, stepping over the woman's body, and had wrapped a strong arm around her. Sam hadn't been shaking, hadn't glazed over with fear, she simply moved her gaze to him as he touched her.  
"Hey there Kitty," he had soothed her as he sat down on the edge of the bed, guiding her down with him and crushing Mr Jordan's papers in the process. "Been out making friends with the locals?" She had laughed at his question, nodding in response and quickly grabbing a box of tissue from her bedside table; pressing them against her wound.  
"I don't think they like me much, do you?"_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi all, apologies for the shortness of this chapter - I hate posting short chapters but I'm struggling for inspiration at the moment, so any ideas would be welcome and greatly appreciated! Hopefully I'll manage to get something together for posting midweek...** **Thanks for reading!**

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When she found herself back in the room, Sam realised that her mug had gone cold, Dixie and Jeff were crying, though Jeff was doing his best to hide it, and Dylan was looking at her with such a heartbreakingly sad expression on his face that she felt awful for telling him. But she had needed them to understand and for some reason, now they knew, she no longer felt quite as lost and as lonely as she had just forty  
short minutes ago.  
"I'm so sorry Sam… I should have known…" He held her close to him, so close she could feel his warm breath gently ruffling the hair on the top of her head. She allowed herself to relax into his arms and close her eyes, although she wouldn't admit it, this was the only place that she felt safe and loved; curled up in his strong, protective arms.  
"You couldn't have known… It's not your fault that I keep having these stupid flashbacks!" Sam roughly wiped her tearstained face with the back of her hand as she realised just how much of herself that she had revealed to her colleagues in the past few days. _How will I ever face going back to work with them now…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Back again! I know I said that I was struggling, but I've had some inspiration by a good friend and this is what rattled out of my crazy little brain! It's a but loopy and crazy (like me haha), so apologies if you don't like it, let me know what you think and I'll work on it. Thanks all!**

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"Good morning Sam, it's nice to see you looking happier this morning." Sam smiled in response to Tess' comment on her entering the staff room and looked to the kettle that she had just boiled.  
"Coffee? And I could kill a cookie…" She laughed as Tess winked at her before producing a packet from the very back of the cupboard, a packet that not even the most daring of hungry doctors would dare to touch.  
"Go on then, just don't tell!" Tess sneaked the cookies onto the worktop in front of Sam and picked up the mug she was offered, just as Jeff, a windswept looking Dixie and a tired looking Tom slammed in through the door and flopped down dramatically on one of the plush sofas.  
"Tess! Tess we need some help here!" Dixie had shrieked with laughter as Tom collapsed dramatically over her lap, his tongue lolling comically out of the side of his mouth as he pretended to faint.  
"We've got Tom Kent, suspected lack of breakfast; we need coffee and cookies ASAP over here!" While Tess folded her arms and tutted disapprovingly, trying to keep a straight face, while Sam could barely contain her amusement at her colleagues' antics. She rushed to the sofa, cradling Tom's head in her hands, which was difficult as they shook with laughter.  
"It's ok Tom, I'm on coffee duty and I'm going to look after you ok?" Swiping Tess' so far untouched mug off the table and gesturing to her own at the older woman's despairing moan, Sam tilted Tom's head up so he wouldn't choke before pouring coffee into his mouth. Dixie and Jeff could barely contain their gleeful giggles as she proceeded to give him the whole mug of coffee, wiping away the dribbles that ran down his chin with her hand.  
"Now we're going to get your sugar levels back up! Tess, I need a cookie here, quick!" Sam shouted, her eyes sparkling as she realised that she felt better, and was having more fun, than she had in quite a while.

Having fed Tom the triple chocolate cookie that she had in fact been eyeing up herself, Sam found herself wrestled onto the floor and tickled by the colleague that she had just 'saved', something that had taken her completely by surprise, and so leading to her squirming and squealing on the carpet as Tom tried to administer the same treatment that she had just given him. It was at that moment that Dylan arrived in the doorway, taking in the scene unfolding in front of him with a bemused expression on his face; one eyebrow raised questioningly. The woman he had last seen sobbing into her pillow was now rolling around on the floor with her colleague, laughing hysterically and swatting at Tom as he tried to pour coffee into her mouth.  
"What on earth are you doing…?" The question didn't come out as harshly as he had expected it too, and Dylan reasoned that it was just the sheer relief of seeing his now ex-wife smiling again.  
"Dylan, just the man!" Tom had turned to him, his pale coloured shirt stained with coffee and a huge bright grin on his face. "White or milk?"  
"What?" Dylan had felt his eyebrow raise even higher as he noticed Jeff and Dixie, collapsed on the sofa with Tess and sobbing they were laughing so hard.  
"White or milk chocolate Dylan, it's a life or death situation here! We have a Samantha Nicholls, suffering from a severe lack of chocolate and coffee in her system, if we don't get them into her fast she could turn to toasties!" Tom had burst out laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the speech he had just produced, while Dylan had knelt down next to them and felt Sam's forehead. He looked into her shining eyes for a brief moment, before giving her a small half smile and saying, utterly seriously;  
"We need at least 2 milk chocolate cookies here, and let's get some more coffee into her people, hurry or we could lose her!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Just a small update for today, but I found out that I go back to college next Friday (sadly :( ) so hopefully this will be finished by then! Huge thanks to Autumn2012 for the review, makes it so much easier to write knowing that people like what I'm doing :)**

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"Ok everyone this is Albert James, 87, he collapsed while out shopping with chest pains..." Jeff explained as he wheeled a frail and vulnerable looking elderly man into the department. Sam quickly noticed that the man's face was creased with nerves.  
"Hi there Albert, my name's Sam and this is Tom, we're going to take good care of you ok?" She smiled reassuringly, taking the hand that the old man had shakily held out to her and squeezing it comfortingly. "We're going to sort you out."  
"Thanks guys"Tom saw Jeff and the new paramedic, Tamzin, off with a cheerful wave before turning back to their patient.  
"Hi there Albert." However, his kind expression was quickly wiped from his face as the old man's nervy smile turned to a frown.  
"You've got chocolate on your face, son..."  
"Tom..." Sam laughed at him, her bright blue eyes glittering as she tried to control another set of giggles. "Come here you silly..." Leaning forward, she quickly licked her finger before gently wiping the smudge of chocolate from his cheek. Albert watched with a twinkle in his green eyes as Sam suddenly realised what she had done.  
"Erm... I'll go and sort an ECG and pain relief for you ok, Albert?" She mumbled before rushing away, blushing furiously.  
"That your lass?" Albert winked at Tom, gently touching his chest. "Never mind all your potions, it does my old ticker good to see two young whippersnappers in love..."


	10. Chapter 10

"Sam… About earlier…" Sam jumped at the sound of Tom's voice as he came into the staffroom at lunch. She looked away instantly, unable to hide the pink flush that was spreading across her face. She knew that her eyes would betray her heart, no matter how desperately she tried to maintain her outer composure.  
"Tom I don't know what to say." She responded honestly, still facing away from him. "I don't know why I did it…" She could hear his feet moving across the carpeted room towards her and feel the warmth of his strong body in extremely close proximity to hers. Every hair on her body prickled in anticipation as his warm breath lifted a few stray hairs that had escaped her hair band.  
"Sam…" As she began to turn to face him, the door slammed open and an irritated looking Zoe stood in the doorway.  
"Tom! We need you and your charming ways in cubicles, rather than flustering Doctor Nicholls! Your young patient is refusing treatment by anyone other than you, get out there now!" Tom could tell by the older woman's voice that she was furious, without the need to turn and look at her tense body language.  
"Yes, yes I'm coming…" He sighed, lightly brushing his fingers over her shoulder as he left Sam's side; causing an involuntary shiver from the blushing doctor.

"Hi there Albert, remember me?" Sam sat on the side of the old man's bed, smiling warmly as he held her hand in his once again. There was something about him that she liked, it made her feel for him and she didn't want to have to be the one to share the results of the numerous tests that he had gone through.  
"Of course I do my dear, I never forget a pretty face." His eyes twinkled as he looked at her, a smile lighting up is wrinkled face. "Have you got my results?"  
"Of course, but I have to let you know Albert that the results aren't good…" Sam trailed off as the old man's expression lost its previous joyful look, and instead came to look anxious as he held onto her hand even more tightly.  
"The pain that you have been experiencing in your chest is caused by your heart not getting enough oxygen from your blood. I'm sorry to have to tell you Mr James, that you have coronary heart disease, which means…"  
"I know what it means!" Albert snapped, stunning Sam as he pulled his hand away from her. "Now just go away, I want to be left alone in peace!"  
"Mr James, I need to take you through your treatment options…"  
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE YOU STUPID GIRL!" Albert snarled, his sudden shift in behaviour startling Sam enough into backing away from his and scuttling over to where Zoe was stood, talking to Dylan.  
"Zoe? Will you keep an eye on Mr James for me a moment please, I'm just going to check and see if his wife and son have arrived yet…" She looked pleadingly at them both before starting off the direction of reception, not anticipating Dylan catching hold of her arm and stopping her.  
"Um… A letter came to me, but I think it's actually meant for you…" Dylan shoved the envelope into her hands before turning away hastily, surprising both her and Zoe in the swiftness of the way that he removed himself from the situation. Without looking at the letter, she shoved it into the pocket of her scrubs and headed towards reception, oblivious to the fact that Dr Hanna had spotted exactly to whom the letter was addressed.

Zoe watched Sam go, striding out purposefully towards the front desk, unaware of what it was that she was carrying with her; what it was that Dylan had read. The only thing that puzzled her was how it had actually got out to start with, but now it all made sense; Dylan's pale face on seeing his wife that morning, the strange burning intensity with which he scrutinised every move she had made since. Zoe hadn't missed that fact that he had very subtly pinched himself when she had arrived, late for work and soaked; grumbling about the pouring rain. However what she did fail to spot was Dr Keogh slipping quietly out of the busy ED entrance.


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm on a roll so here's another update! Thank you again to Autumn2012 for your review, and I hope that this update answers at least one of your questions! The others will be answered in future updates, so don't worry :D Also, sorry about the size of this chapter, but it was impossible to shorten! Hope you enjoy! :)**

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"Oh shit…" Sam muttered under her breath as soon as she saw the Ministry of Defence logo on the envelope, and her fear as to what lay inside the neatly opened envelope were only confirmed when she saw that it was addressed to **The relatives of Major Samantha Nicholls**. She knew exactly what lay inside these envelopes, she'd seen enough of them go out, but how hers had come to be sent out and end up in her ex-husband's possession she did not know. Sam pinched herself hard, her nails digging into her arm and, to her surprise, drawing a tiny speck of blood. Nope, she was most certainly not dead. "Ok then" She muttered to herself, taking out the letter. "Let's see what I said then, now that I'm dead…"

_To Dylan and Dervla,_  
_Well… How do I start this off eh, I've never been good at writing these letters, although I must admit, it is much easier to get your feelings down on paper than it is to say them… There's no walking out and slamming a door (hehe..) I'm sorry doesn't really seem appropriate, but I am, I am so sorry that you're reading this letter Dylan, I know how you hate all this emotional stuff, but this might be a hard one, even for you. But then again it might not, who knows… I'm sorry that I got blown up/shot/stabbed (which ever applies). I want you to tell Dervla that I love her and that I'm sorry that I'll never take her for any long walks anymore… I will miss those walks; I loved our long walks in the country with her, do you remember…? (sorry for the marks on the paper, I'm getting emotional…) Well I'm dead now, so you don't have to put up with me and my emotions anymore (even though I didn't let you see them often anyway…), but now that I'm gone there are some things that I want you to know._

_**Number 1**__ - I never wanted our marriage to end… I never wanted any of what happened to happen, and I know that I said some pretty disgusting things to you over the years; things that I have never forgotten or forgiven myself for. You know what I mean, but I just want you to know that all of those things… All of those things were said in anger, I never meant them, I just wanted to hurt you like you were hurting me… It killed me to say those things, every time I felt like such a cold and heartless bitch; who turns on their husband when they're all that they have left in the world? I had the army Dylan, and my job, but they weren't going to be by my side, holding my hand in my old age, maybe as I passed away even. I had no family other than you Dylan, it seems stupid now; the fact that I lied to you about my family, all those cards that we got off my mum and dad… I bought them myself and got some random person to sign them… Pretty pathetic isn't it? But I never wanted to put any pressure on you, I know what you're like, you'd have bolted in fear if I'd have confessed and then I really would have been alone. I never told you this but I hate being alone; I need someone with me, just to reassure me, make sure that I'm not going insane. I was so scared that I'd die alone. But who knows, maybe you were there at the end… Saying that, I'm being selfish, I hope that you weren't there, to be honest. I've seen what sort of wounds soldiers can get, and I don't want your last memory of me to be lying on some white bed, blown to bits by some stupid IED. I know you Dylan, and that would kill you. Either that, or you'd go back to the alcohol, and that would…_

Sam's eyes filled with tears as she read through the letter, holding the already tearstained sheets of paper in her hand. She remembered clearly the night on which she had sat and written the last letter for her husband; her last chance to put both their minds at rest and to reassure him that she did in fact love him more than life itself, even though she showed little more than contempt for him in the days before she left for her last tour. She had been sat in a plush hotel room, drowning her sorrows in her third bottle of red wine after an enormous fight with Dylan down the phone over her imminent return to Afghanistan. Just thinking of the hurtful comments he had made made the hairs on her neck bristle; but now she understood that it was fear that had led to Dylan behaving as he had towards her, fear that she, like so many others would be the next to die. The next in a long line of photos on national news, as some reporter who never knew her reported on how her death was a tragedy, although it wouldn't have been. She could see the report she had imagined for herself in her mind even now, going something along the lines of;  
"Major Samantha Nicholls, killed today in the Helmand province of Afghanistan; no family or friends to be informed." But that had changed since she had come to Holby, she finally had a small group of people around her that she could lean on; there was Jeff and Dixie, Tom, Nick and even Zoe. Leaning back on the sofa, she realised how much weight had been lifted off her shoulders since she had found the group of people that she had come to see as friends.

**_Number 2_**_- Please Dylan, please don't go back to drinking after I'm gone. I want you to have a life, live your life and be brilliant; be my sweet, brilliant and infuriating husband… And if you ever find some rare disease, please, call it Keogh disease or something; then your name, our name, will go on long after you've died and no-one knows that I even existed. I know this sounds like self-pity, but it's true because there is no-one other than you and Dervla who will care when I die. I want you to try and behave, be nice to your colleagues and don't forget to eat properly ok? I know all you eat is take away when I'm out here haha…_

She smiled at the memory of what she had discovered on her return from her first deployment; she had gone to the hospital where Dylan worked, where she had first met him as a patient all those years ago. Their colleagues had informed her of her husband's take away addiction, and of the fact that he had put on a few pounds since she had last seen him. It didn't stop her lunging for him though as soon as she saw him; wrapping her arms around his tubby belly and wishing for all the world that she would never ever have to let go, never have to stop breathing in his smell, never have to remove her head from his chest as great huge sobs of relief at being home had escaped her.

_I was young and stupid when I first met you, Dylan, do you remember? I had been out celebrating the end of my first term studying medicine, I was a baby step closer to being an army medic like I'd always wanted… I remember how you stared when I came in; I know what you must have thought, a tiny young scrap of a thing being carried into hospital by two burly squaddies, covered in blood and looking around like nothing had happened. I remember what you said to me, about teenagers mixed with alcohol; how they were never a good mix. Then I told you I had a gun… You didn't have move then haha! I've never seen you stitch and dress a wound faster since then! I remember, when I woke up the next morning, I heard the other doctors muttering about your 'interesting patient' and wondering who it was, until I realised that they were all looking at me. God you had a shock when I turned up as your new mentee a few months later. You remembered me and you made my life hell; trying to test me out, see how strong army training makes you. And I proved that it makes you strong. Very strong. I've had to be strong to deal with the things that I've seen. To deal with the things that I've done…_

_**Number 3 -**__Our wedding day was the happiest that I've ever been in my life. It was perfect… I know that it was a good day for you too, you enjoyed it, you made me feel so loved when you told me that I looked beautiful. You hadn't ever told me before, and I don't think you have since haha. It meant such a lot to me, the whole day. Having you by my side meant such a lot to me, it still does. Anyway, I've run out of paper now my darling so I've to wrap this letter up… But there's just one thing that I want to make absolutely clear to you, and I never want you to forget this last little paragraph, ok? It's the most important part of this letter…_

_I'm sorry that I had to go and die on you Dylan, I know how much you hate it when you come across someone that you can't save… I'm sorry that you were never able to save me, but I think I was beyond help. I'm sorry that you couldn't save me from myself. I love you._

_Mrs Samantha Keogh, your wife. Xxx_


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm sorry if this fic seems mostly like filler at the moment, it is going somewhere and hopefully all will become clear soon. Thanks for reading :)**

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"Sam, have you seen Dylan..?" Sam jumped as Zoe walked into the staffroom, unable to control her curiosity any longer. The look on the young woman's face told her that the letter had obviously dug up long since buried emotions, and as she thought about it she realised that Sam's tough exterior had been permanently cracked in recent days; she has seen a more vulnerable and emotional side to the young blonde woman.  
"No, but I dare say he's avoiding me at the moment." She waved the thick wad of paper under Zoe's nose, not quite giving her the chance to read what it said, although she recognised it as the letter Dylan had thrust into her hands about an hour previously.  
"This…" Sam trailed off slightly, collecting herself, before ploughing on. "This is my final letter, you know, the one that goes out when we die in action." The look of confusion on Zoe's face made her laugh at the stupidness of the situation that she had found herself in.  
"So this letter…" The older doctor started cautiously, choosing her words carefully so that she didn't annoy Sam; everyone knew that she didn't suffer fools gladly, and Zoe was keen to avoid being on the receiving end of her sharp tongue.  
"Tells Dylan everything that I would say to him if I died…" Sam answered for her, her voice quiet and sad. "Only I'm not dead, he's read it and he's going to hate me. After everything I wrote in here, I issued him with divorce papers…" The young woman trailed off again and Zoe, who felt that she was in need of comfort, sat down beside her and allowed Sam to sink her head gratefully into her shoulder. There were no tears falling down her young colleague's face, but she wasn't sure whether that was a reassuring sign or not. The air of sadness around her was overwhelming; it seemed to swamp her and crush all of the fun and life out of her small frame.  
"Zoe, will you look after him…" Sam's voice was small and nervous as she spoke; it was almost as if she didn't want to hear the answer that the older doctor would give her. "He'll need someone, and I don't even know if we're friends anymore, never mind…"  
"Sam." Zoe smiled at her gently, holding the blonde by her shoulders and gently shaking her. "You know what Dylan's like, he'll forgive you…" Zoe stuttered to a halt, realising that she didn't actually know what Dylan was supposed to be forgiving Sam for, before the thick letter was thrust into her hands and Sam stood up.  
"Read it, and you'll understand. Now, it's the end of my shift, so I'm going home…" Zoe watched in bewilderment as the young woman snatched the few belongings that were being contained in her locker and darted out of the door, before turning her attention to the particularly interesting letter that she held in her hands; having not heard the slight emphasis that Sam had put on one word in that sentence or seen the distress on the young woman's face as she had hurriedly left the department.


	13. Chapter 13

**Here's chapter 13, the bits in bold are texts and in italics Dylan's thoughts :)**

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The entire department felt different as Zoe walked in that morning, the hush that had fallen over her normally chatty colleagues was completely abnormal and forced her to realise that something was wrong. It was Tom that she had noticed first, standing slightly apart from the others; leaning against the sink and holding his phone in his hand, staring intently at the screen. If she hadn't noticed the complete stillness of his hands as they gripped at the phone, and the slight pallor that had fallen over his normally cheerful face, she would have assumed that he was just reading a particularly interesting text.  
"Morning Tom…" She had gone straight to his side, realising as she did so that she was going to him because the entire staffroom had looked towards him as she had entered, oblivious to what was going on.  
"They're both gone Zoe." He blurted out suddenly, looking up, his bright blue eyes darting nervously around the room. "They're both gone and no-one knows where they are!"  
"Sam said she was going home…"She frowned slightly as Tom glared at her, quickly realising that the comment she had made was ridiculous and mentally kicking herself.  
"Well where exactly is home to Sam?! Because it's most definitely not the address that we have for her!" Zoe opened her mouth to speak, surprised at her normally placid colleague's sudden outburst. It was clear for anyone to see how much he adored the blonde doctor, and it appeared that his concern seemed to stretch as far as the missing Dr Keogh; who, it seemed, had disappeared halfway through his shift the previous day without anyone noticing. "And before you even say anything, we've checked Dylan's boat too, and he and his dog are gone!"

The dark atmosphere in the ED had only been worsened by the RTC that had come in, with one of the less seriously injured patients who had been admitted asking very specifically to see both doctors who had gone AWOL.  
"I'm very sorry, but neither Dr Nicholls or Dr Keogh are at work today." Zoe had tried to soothe the girl, who was surveying her surroundings with a mixture of emotions that an already frazzled Zoe could not even bring herself to try and understand. "Just try and rest, I'll see who I can find to come and have a look after you." The girl had nodded, seemingly appeased by Dr Hanna's calm manner, and settled back down, was watching the doctors working around her with some interest.  
"Who is that girl..?" Zoe had approached Noel, running a hand through her hair and struggling to prevent the yawn that was threatening to surface.

"Notes say that she's called Miss Melissa Rose Greystone…" Noel murmured, patting Zoe sympathetically on the shoulder. "Only clue that I can give you as to why she wants to see Sam and Dylan is that she's three years older than our Dr Nicholls…" Zoe looked at him uncertainly,  
not sure whether speculating about the woman's connection with the missing doctors would shed any light on the situation.  
**  
"I'm sorry you had to read that letter Dylan…"  
"So am I, to be honest."  
"Well I won't be at work when you get back. I'm leaving tomorrow."  
"No Sam…"  
"You've already seen everything I have to say… I hope you and Zoe get together finally."  
"Sam…"  
"Bye Dylan. Don't know when or if I'll be back, so get her that drink for me."**

Dylan stared at the messages anxiously, although he wasn't shocked by his ex-wife's words. _What is she thinking! And it'll be me who has to tell Jordan…_ He knew that they both needed space to rediscover themselves after their divorce, and, even though he knew it wouldn't do her any good, if that was the amount of space that she needed then he wouldn't selfishly try and stand in her way like he had the last time...


	14. Chapter 14

**Here's the next chapter! I'm on a roll so there might even be another one later this evening; anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

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Dylan waited eight days before he went anywhere near the ED, after Sam had informed him that she had managed to get Jordan to grant her a weeks leave, and having figured that one shift without his ex-wife would be enough for her to be missed. He waited until he had seen most of his colleagues heading out to the pub after their shift, quickly noticing that they were much more subdued that normal, before heading into the ED. He had planned on getting to Jordan's office as quickly and quietly as possible; knowing that the Clinical Lead always lagged a little behind the others as a result of the massive amounts of paperwork that he had to complete. He somehow managed to get to Nick's office unnoticed, and knocked on the door quietly before slipping inside.  
"Ah, Dylan!" Nick exclaimed as the door opened, a look of surprise on his face. "Where on earth have you been?! And where is Dr Nicholls for that matter, she didn't show up for her…" He trailed off as he noticed Dylan's grim expression at the mention of Sam's name and quickly gestured for him to sit down.  
"Um…" Dylan swallowed, feeling slightly pressurised under the intense glare and so found himself blurting out the information rather rapidly; surprising himself and Nick. "Sam's in Afghanistan. The army called her back, she left last week…" He noted the look of disappointment on the Clinical Lead's face as he ploughed on.  
"She asked me to speak to you about saving her job, that is, if she returns from Afghan… Believe it or not, she does love working here Nick." Dylan added earnestly, passing the photos that she had sent him to give to Nick over the desk.  
"Sam wanted you to have these, just in case… You know…"

Nick looked down at the photos in his hand and felt himself having to fight back the tears of almost father-like pride as he studied the young girl's face. The first photo was of the two of them together at the surprise party that had been thrown by his colleagues for his birthday, much to his delight. He had his arm around her tiny waist, both of them beaming at the camera after having, rather obviously, a few too many to drink. He smiled at the happy memories of that night that the photo brought back to him, before turning to the other and feeling his breath freeze in his throat. There was Sam, sitting in a helicopter in full army uniform, obviously waiting to take off. He smiled once again, taking in every detail of the photo. The way that one blonde strand of hair had escaped its confines and was hanging over her face; the proud smile that he recognised, making her face light up even on her way to a potentially deadly warzone. Nick knew then that, no matter what, Sam's job would be there for her on her return.  
"That one was taken just before they left last week…" Dylan murmured softly, a slight smile playing on his lips as he looked at it. "She's always been so proud that she's been able to serve her country…"  
"And we're proud of her for doing it Dylan."He had returned the normally grumpy doctor's smile and placed the photos down on his desk. "I assume you'll be in contact with _Major_ Nicholls while she's out there?" Dylan nodded, feeling the familiar burst of pride through his chest at hearing Sam called by her military title; even though she was no longer really his, he still loved her dearly as a friend. Not that he'd let anyone know that, of course.  
"Of course. I'll be sure to let you know how she's getting on." He added, guessing that that was going to be Nick's next question. The grateful look that he got in return told him that he was right, and Dylan was suddenly grateful that they had such an understanding boss; even though he'd never before acknowledged that fact.  
"Thank you Dr Keogh, I'll see you tomorrow then."


	15. Chapter 15

**Huge thanks to Autumn2012 and everyone who has read and reviewed for keeping me going with this, its much appreciated and I hope you like this chapter! x**

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"Dylan! Where the HELL have you been?! I've been worried si…" Zoe stopped abruptly as she realised that the prickly doctor hadn't even looked up from his phone at the sound of her voice, and she noticed just how intensely he was staring at the screen. It reminded her of Tom the day that Sam had gone missing. She wandered over to where he stood by the kettle, which had only recently been boiled by the look of the steam that was rising in a cloud from its top. As she reached over to pick it up, Dylan's phone made a loud beeping noise before he hastily pressed the call button; making her jump, and not even giving her a chance to see the caller ID before the receiver was pressed firmly to his ear.  
"Are you alright? How was the flight? I wish you'd rung sooner…" The concern in his voice made her smile; it was highly unusual for Dylan to show any kind of emotion in front of anyone, although she didn't think that he had actually registered her presence in the room. She couldn't hear the response that the verging on frantic interrogation had received, but whatever the person on the other end had said must have been the answer that Dylan was looking for, as he visibly relaxed and leaned against the wall behind him.  
"Good… Alright, I'll let you go… Keep me updated yeah? We're still missing you being the thorn in our sides. Yes, _fine_… Alright… I'll tell him, behave yourself won't you? Bye." He was laughing as ended the call, but the smile on his lips faded and he flinched as he noticed Zoe stood in front of him.  
"Um… Good morning."  
"Morning." Zoe replied shortly, feeling a little miffed at the way he had jumped back from her so suddenly. "Everything ok?"  
"Erm, yeah, everything's fine, sorry I disappeared at such short… Look, do you want to go for a drink tonight?" Zoe's eyes widened in surprise, she had never anticipated Dylan even acknowledging their friendship like any typical person, never mind apologising for his absence, and now here he was asking her out for a drink? Something was going on.  
"Yeah, sure." She had replied quickly, surprising herself and Dylan at the speed of her answer, judging by the priceless expression on his face. It almost made her wish that she kept a camera in her pocket, just so that she could whip it out and snap a picture that would last forever.  
"Um, yes, great… Meet outside after the shift? Yeah? Good." Dylan started out of the room, before Zoe grabbed hold of his arm. He turned to look at her, a frown creasing his brow.  
"Dylan, the patient in Cubicle 5 has been asking for you or…" She was cut off again as he gently shrugged her off and escaped out of the door.  
"Alright, I'll see her once I've spoken to Nick…" He darted off before she could stop him again, and before she could ask since when he had started calling him Nick, and how he knew that the patient was female...

"Oh my god, Dylan!" The young woman practically exploded as he pulled the curtain back from around the cubicle, inwardly sighing to himself at the inconvenience of this intrusion by someone he didn't really wish to see.  
"Missy, hello…" He had smiled briefly at her before picking up the file at the bottom of her bed and reading through her notes. "Car crash eh..? Anything to disturb the peaceful lives of unsuspecting doctors." His tone was harsh, but she laughed anyway, pale grey eyes sparkling. Unfortunately for Dylan, Tess, who was walking past at the moment also happened to hear his comment.  
"Dr Keogh, a word please." She shook her head at him and gestured to the corridor before turning back to his patient, who had taken to making a sort of squeaky wheezing sound, as laughing hurt her broken ribs too much. "I'm sorry Melissa, this is…"  
"It's alright, I know who this weirdo is, I've known him for years, don't worry his humour doesn't offend me anymore." She grinned at the nurse, before looking back at Dylan and smirking. "Still getting into trouble then I see?"  
"Quite." Dylan growled at her, re-entering the cubicle past a baffled looking Tess and adjusting the bed until it was at a more comfortable height. "Better? You have been in the wars haven't you…" Melissa nodded, before reaching out and grabbing hold of his hand; clinging on so tightly that her knuckles went white. Tess, who was still stood watching them, came to look even more perplexed when he didn't pull away straight away; instead giving the girl's hand a gentle squeeze.


	16. Chapter 16

**Here's the next chapter, I hope that no-one's upset/annoyed at my decision to write this story mainly through Sam's POV or based around her, and without much actually going on medically, it's just because I find it easier to "get inside" Sam's head if you know what I mean. Plus, I have no idea about medicine, so I'm trying to stick with what I know and be as accurate as possible. If anyone has any suggestions/ideas though, I'm open to them :) Thanks x**

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Dylan was in a good mood as he went into work. His drink with Zoe the previous night had been successful and they had both enjoyed it enormously, promising each other that they would do it again very soon. The feelings that he had for her confused him, she was very strong, which was something that he liked in a woman, but she was so very... Female. Rather unlike his past relationships, and he smiled as he realised that it was a refreshing change. As he entered the building and noticed how empty of patients it seemed, he quietly noted that today was going to be an exceptionally good day. Only, it wasn't. He found himself physically blocked out of the staffroom by Nick, who, by the looks of him, was barely managing to keep it together.  
"My office Dylan, now."

He had sat down without being told to; awaiting the reason for which Nick had dragged him into his office before his shift had even started. Then he noticed the small TV in the corner of the room, something that, strangely, he hadn't seen before. Then Dylan's eyes were drawn to the banner at the bottom of the screen as a solemn looking newsreader spoke:  
**9 soldiers dead and many others seriously injured after the detonation of a series of bombs in an Afghan market place.**  
"Oh no... Nick..." He looked up at his boss, whose face was the colour of marble, him mouth set in a firm line. "Nick..."  
"What if she was there Dylan... What if Sam's dead or injured because we forced her away..." He buried his head in his hands, and Dylan could feel the all too familiar bile rising in his throat at the thought of her young body being torn to pieces by an explosion. The fact that their boss was reacting so badly to the news baffled him and made him happy in equal measure; someone else was there for her now, he wasn't alone in this anymore. Hopefully, the majority of their colleagues would feel similarly…  
"Nick, we can't spend nine months like this, living in fear... I'm sure we'd have been informed by now if..." Dylan's uncharacteristically reassuring words were abruptly halted by the shrill ring of his phone. Just glancing at the caller ID was enough to fill his body with relief, and he sagged back in the chair as he answered.  
"Sam..."  
"Dylan. Quick status report, all limbs present and correct." He could hear the pain and distress in her voice, although her words were light-hearted.  
"How bad is it?" No amount of soft fluffy talk was going to comfort her right now, Dylan realised. She needed to get all of the information out, say it out loud and process the fact that it had really happened; it wasn't some kind of awful dream. He could hear her struggling to compose herself, and suddenly came to wonder how she had found the time to ring him.  
"Twelve of our men..." She had choked the words out, controlling the grief that she felt with the death of every single one of her colleagues becoming ever harder. Three died in the last hour, it won't be on the news yet... One man being flown home with life-threatening injuries... The bastards set them off in two waves!" Her words were coming in great sobs now, the devastating news starting to take its toll. "They killed all of the team that were patrolling, all eight of them, they were keeping an eye to ensure the locals safety…" Sam broke off again, and then he could tell that something more had happened, there had never been this level of disbelief and distress in her voice previously. "And… And four of my team Dylan… I watched them die! _I watched them die_!" He was silent for a moment as his ex-wife broke down on the other end of the phone, stunned to silence by the shock of what she had just told him. He half hoped that there would be someone there to comfort her as he would have done; at the same time, realising with some amount of horror that Nick's gut instinct could so easily have been true.  
"Sam, Sam listen to me, there was nothing more you could do ok? It's not your fault... You did everything that you could… Are you hurt..?"  
"Just a few cuts… I'll be fine… I almost wish it had killed me Dylan, then I wouldn't have to feel like this!" The heartbreak in the young doctor's voice was strange to him; Dylan knew that she was often plagued by the memories of the soldiers that she couldn't save, but now it would be so much worse. They had both stopped watching the news long ago, and he had always read the morning papers before her; removing any stories that involved Afghanistan. What a welcome to the terrifying, devastating warzone he realised; she'd only been gone three weeks.

Zoe gently opened her locker and removed the thick wad of paper, that was now coated in a fine layer of dust, before going to the sofa and sitting down, allowing herself to place the letter on the coffee table in front of her. She hadn't read it, even though she had been extremely tempted when Sam had placed it in her hands that day almost three weeks ago. How could she intrude on something so private? She wouldn't allow herself into Sam's deepest thoughts, she couldn't bear to see the young woman's suffering laid out on the page in front of her. Besides, she had no right to pry. The letter was addressed to Sam's relatives, she had no right. She was still staring at the paper, absent-mindedly twisting her hands around her mug, when the staffroom door slammed open with such force it made the glass panes rattle dangerously. She jumped at the sudden noise and looked up, confusion etched over her features at what she saw before her.  
"Tom…? What's happened…?"


	17. Chapter 17

**I think this is one of the poorer parts that I've written... So sorry about that, I'll try and get something better together for tomorrow before Casualty starts. :) As always, reviews are very much appreciated :)**

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"That girl in Cubicle 5! She's related to Dylan!" The sheer venom in Tom's voice was shocking for Zoe to hear, especially since, although rather surprising, the words were not _that_ unbelievable.  
"I don't understand Tom." She sighed, running a hand through her immaculate hair and sighing softly. The normally calm Dr Kent was pacing up and down the room, fury written in every line of his face.  
"I heard Dylan talking to her, I think she's his sister, he was telling her about how Sam was back in Afghanistan! He didn't even have the decency to even tell us that she as leaving..!" His voice broke slightly, and Zoe found herself moving across the room to put her arms around him. She knew how much he cared about Sam, this must have been exceptionally painful for him; the knowledge that she either hadn't cared enough or trusted him enough to inform him that she was on her way to stare death in the face. She rocked him soothingly, rubbing his back and whispering words of comfort to her distressed and angry friend. Zoe had thought she was getting somewhere, he had seemed to be calming down slightly. And then the TV in reception switched to the news channel, catching their eye. Through the window of the staffroom they could clearly see the main headline:  
**12 soldiers dead and many others seriously injured after the detonation of a series of bombs in an Afghan market place. One being flown back to the UK with life threatening injuries.  
**Zoe felt Tom stiffen in her arms. She knew that the thoughts that had suddenly began to race around her head were mirrored in the mind of her colleague. They were so busy staring at the screen, open mouthed with horror, that they didn't hear Nick cough quietly from the doorway.  
"She's alright you know… Just a few scratches and a bit shaken up…"

"Dylan, you can't tell them! They won't let you treat me!" Missy clung onto his hand, her pale grey eyes pleading with him. "Please Dylan… You have to keep me updated on how Sam's do…" She was cut off as Dylan pulled away, grumbling, and picked up her chart.  
"Samantha is doing just fine, I told you… You need to concentrate on yourself right now Melissa. Have they told you when you're booked in for your operation?"  
"Tomorrow morning… I don't know what time thought…" She sighed miserably, looking up at Dylan again and hoping that he would relent; that he would sit on the bed and hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be ok. But that just wasn't Dylan. He knew that she was aware of what was going on around her, even as a receptionist in a quiet country GPs surgery she had to have picked up something, right? She knew that her half-brother wouldn't admit to anyone the unique bond of friendship that the three of them shared. Missy knew that Sam had always been closer to Dylan than to anyone, and that her ex-colleague was definitely withholding information from her, and most probably their colleagues, about Sam's welfare over in the war torn Middle East.

Sam sank onto her bed, her head in her hands. She'd been out in Afghanistan for almost a month now, and it was already starting to feel like eternity. The tough Major Nicholls shell was now damaged by a tiny hairline crack, and her companions were starting to pick up on it. No-one would tell her to go home, to quit and go back to where she so obviously longed to be in the few moments of quiet that they had. She was a bloody good doctor, the best they had. She was strong and brave; fearless and selfless, she would put her own life at risk in order to save a colleague. Allowing herself to lean back, she could feel a warm hand gently rubbing her back while another wrapped itself around her waist, pulling her around and up against a strong firm chest. For the first time, she allowed herself to cry into the supporting arms of someone who understood.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam woke up the next morning in the arms of another man. She turned into him, resting her head against his shoulder and quickly registering, rather gratefully, that they were both still fully clothed. She should have known that he wouldn't have taken advantage of her current state of mind. Nothing had happened, he had just comforted her when she needed an understanding shoulder… _Thank god_. Her movement woke his peaceful slumber and he mumbled something incoherent, wrapping his arm around her small frame.  
"Morning Kitty…" He mumbled as he woke from his peaceful slumber, disturbed by her movement. He wrapped his arms around her small frame and opened an eye sleepily, to be met by the bright blue gaze of his colleague. "Are you feeling better…?"  
"Hmm… A little..." She whispered and cuddled closer into him, feeling a slight pressure around her waist as he pulled her closer. It felt good to have a brotherly figure by her side that she could turn to, who understood what she was going through. "I just…" Sam was prevented from saying anymore by a loud shout that went up from outside and they were both instantly alert and on their feet. There was trouble.

Zoe was still sat in the staffroom with Tom and Nick, who had joined them for a quick cup of tea, when Dylan wandered in with a confused looking expression on his face.  
"Dylan…" She was on her feet quickly, meeting him as he reached his locker and gently passed him the letter. "Sam asked me to look after that for you… Don't worry, I didn't peek." She patted his shoulder and turned away, before he caught hold of her arm, surprising her. Dylan hesitantly moved his head closer to hers and whispered softly;  
"Thank you…"  
"It's ok, really…" She gently patted his arm, offering him a brief smile before heading back to the sofa and forcibly moving the two men across so that she could sit down. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on him, that he and Sam had basically picked out and made sure that they approved of each other's new interests before allowing each other to move it forward. Although, the fact that Sam seemed to have left poor Tom hanging had caught his attention, and he felt that he ought to do something about it. _Maybe I'll make her phone him when she next calls me…_

It was pitch black and a searing pain was shooting through the base of Sam's skull, it was only the close presence of her colleague and best friend Ryan beside her that was keeping somewhere near something that represented calm. They had been called out again, an early morning attack wasn't abnormal, but suddenly things had been tipped on their heads. The helicopter had been devastated by explosives being thrown inside, killing the pilots, and the rest of the team had found themselves viciously attacked by the people that they had mistakenly believed they were trying to save.  
"I…"  
"Shhh Sam… I'm here…" He felt for her hand and squeezed it gently in a comforting gesture, although she felt him flinch at the pain the small movement sent through him. "I won't let them hurt you…" Sam rubbed his fingers, her other hand finding the back of her head as she opened her mouth to respond to his words, to reassure him that she wasn't going to abandon him with these people. That was when she heard it, faintly at first but growing louder; a voice that she instantly recognised, a voice that turned her blood to ice.  
"Murderer!"


	19. Chapter 19

**It's me again! I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for a while, I've started back to college this week and it's been my birthday so I've been very busy! :D Hope you like this chapter, although I don't think that its the best I've ever written... Any reviews are appreciated! (Big thanks to Autumn2012 and Kasca Black for your support!) Enjoy xxx**

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Tom wandered out of the hospital building, clutching a coffee; his eyes glassy as he slumped onto the stone bench in the peace garden. There had been no word from Sam in almost seven weeks, and Nick had been forced to tell the rest of the staff that their colleague was missing in action, presumed dead. They had barely seen Dylan since the news had been broken, he had spent his time hidden away from the rest of them; as far from anyone as possible and treating only patients that Zoe, having been granted permission by Nick, specifically picked for him. He knew deep down that the dark haired doctor loved Dylan; he could tell by the way that she glanced towards his lonely figure, his back turned against the world, every so often and the sadness in her eyes as she did. But he couldn't stop thinking about Sam. Every time his mind fixed on her, all he could see was Sam as she had been before this had all happened; strong, vibrant, full of life. He loved the passionate young medic, and he desperately wanted to know that she was safe. His sleep was plagued by horrific nightmares, he was almost used to them now, but last night's had been the most violent that he'd had. The nightmare had left him drained and exhausted, and with a dull throbbing pain at the base of his skull. It had almost been like he had been there, watching her writhing under the unrelenting torture that she was being subjected to. He had been able to see the whites of her eyes, her wide pupils circled by narrow blue flames of pain. He shuddered violently, shaking his head viciously in order to clear the horrible image from his mind. That was when the person in front of him coughed, bringing him to his sensed. That was when he realised that the blue eyes he had been looking into were real. But they weren't Sam's.  
"Get up. You're coming with me." Dylan roughly grabbed hold of his arm and dragged to his car, throwing him inside before getting in himself. Tom stared at him, stunned at his behaviour, before a soft cough alerted him to another presence in the back of the car. Zoe was curled up in the back, leaning up against the truck's strong wall.  
"Zoe… What the hell is going on?!"  
"Shut up. I need to concentrate on the road." Dylan snarled at him, his eyes still blazing and he was clutching the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles had gone white. Tom quickly realised that something was badly wrong; Zoe was never normally this quiet and, although snappy and confrontational, Dylan was never normally this _rude_.


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you for all your support again, I'm struggling to find inspiration at the moment, so sorry if chapters now don't quite live up to some I've done previously :) Hope you enjoy it though! xxx

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They drove in silence for what seemed like eternity, although it was only really about an hour; Tom often looking back between the seats to look at Zoe. Her face was etched with worry, which was never a good sign. He signalled to her as discreetly as he could, desperate to find out where they were going, but she just shrugged in response and brushed her hair from her face. Tom knew he wouldn't be getting the information that he craved any time soon. Dylan had a look of intense focus on his face, and his grip on the steering wheel hadn't lessened in the time that they had been driving. Then suddenly, without warning, he pulled over and drove into a service station before parking and jumping out before either Tom or Zoe could say a word. They sat in a stunned silence before Zoe's voice reached him.  
"We're going to Birmingham Tom… That's all I know…" She whispered, reaching forward and taking hold of his hand. She was cold, he noticed and looking almost nervous of him.  
"Birmingham…" He echoed, a sudden coldness running down his spine. "Isn't that where…" Zoe just nodded, and he realised that his friend had been quieter than normal because she was frightened. "Oh god Zoe…"

They pulled up outside the hospital two hours later; after Dylan's barely controlled temper had been completely smashed and he had cursed loudly all the way through a rather long set of road works. The tension had reached unbelievable levels, and Tom wasn't sure how much longer he could cope with it. Dylan had parked, seemingly jumping from around 20mph, he wasn't obeying the speed limit, to a standstill instantaneously; lurching both Zoe and Tom forward painfully in their seats. Dylan, once again, rapidly got out of the car and slammed the door shut; leaving them to make their own way out as he strode across the car park to the main building.  
"I don't think I can do it…" Zoe whispered to him as they walked, their shoulders brushing each other's for some sort of physical comfort.  
"I don't think I can see Sam injured…"

"Samantha Nicholls." Dylan looked at the woman on reception, knowing that she would recognise him. "There are three of us today."  
"Of course Dr Keogh, go on through." She half smiled as he turned away and marched towards her in exactly the same way as he always had. He hadn't changed, and neither had Sam. She watched the people following him in; noticing the strange look of fear on their faces. _Interesting…_

Tom peered in through the small window of the private room before quietly going in after Dylan, holding the door for Zoe so that it didn't slam shut. She was paler now, and very still; he barely noticed the large padded bandage that was covering half of her face, or the bulky of the casts on both of her legs, softened by bandages. Dylan had sat himself on the bed by her bedside and instantly picked up a book that had been lying on the floor, flicking through the pages and settling down to read. He couldn't help but notice the fact that every bit of the tension that he had been showing had disappeared as soon as he had walked into the room and set his eyes on Sam. He shared a quick glance with Zoe, who tilted her head towards the bed, silently urging him to go forward. He nodded and took a few hesitant steps forward and perched carefully on the side of Sam's bed; reassured by the fact that Dylan didn't even look up as he did so. He couldn't take his eyes off her and there would have been little point anyway, he had felt all of his medical knowledge drain from his brain as soon as he had spotted her. _His_ Sam, lying on a hospital bed, obviously very unwell. Would he get a chance to tell her..?


	21. Chapter 21

**So sorry about the mix-up with the chapters, my mind's been frazzled lately! Here's the proper chapter 21, enjoy :) xxx**

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Sam awoke slowly from her comfortable sleep, raising one heavy and sore arm to rub at her eye. She hadn't anticipated feeling resistance, however small, against her hand. Slowly opening the one eye that wasn't covered by bandages, she saw the smudged figure sat on the side of her bed, holding her hand gently.  
"Tom…?" She mumbled sleepily, noticing him jump at her small movement. "What are you doing here…?"  
"Shhh don't speak…" He moved closer to her, allowing her to see him more clearly through her sleep-blurred eyes. Sam could sense the tears in his voice and she held his hand little tighter, trying her best to give him a reassuring smile, although it looked more like a grimace.  
"I'm ok Tom… Just a few scratches… I've already fought the doctors…" She giggled and Tom felt himself laughing with her, a flush of relief flowing through him as he saw her visible eye sparkle with life. He didn't know what he'd expected, but this wasn't it. His emotion bubbled to the surface and he held her hand tightly in his, struggling to fight back the tears that were fighting their way to the surface, a sudden flush of relief flowing through his veins and washing away the icy fear that had previously filled them.  
"I was so frightened Sam, I thought I'd lost you…" He moved closer to her again, feeling her move their hands to rest gently on his leg. He looked away for a moment, unable to see the look of distaste on her face; unable to bear the rejection. So he was surprised when a soft hand brushed up against his cheek, turning his head back around with surprising tenderness.  
"I'm tough Tom… You'll never get rid of me…" She whispered, gently dropping her hand back to her side, but not before her fingers had slid gently over his lips. "I'd never have let those bastards break me… Never…" She trailed off, her voice breaking momentarily.  
"Sam, what happened out there…?"


	22. Chapter 22

Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the length of time that it has taken me to put such a relatively short chapter together; I'm really sorry, and I hope that it's of good enough quality for you all to enjoy! Once again, thank you to my wonderful reviewers, it makes it so much more worthwhile :) BTW, I hope you don't find this chapter too strange, I just needed a way to move on to the next part! Thanks for reading! :) xxx

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Zoe and Dylan wandered back into Sam's room, chatting quietly with their cooling coffee cradled comfortably in their hands. Dylan had, surprisingly, suggested that they leave Tom and Sam to talk and the offer of rubbish hospital coffee and a brownie were appealing to her; she hadn't eaten properly since Nick had been forced to admit that Sam had gone missing in action due to her worry about their missing colleague. But now she was back and relatively well, considering the traumatic experiences that she must have gone through. The small smile that graced Dylan's features, just for a moment, she knew that there had been a plan there all along. Tom was lying on the bed, his body curled protectively around hers. She was tucked up, her head resting comfortably under his chin, her broken and battered body carefully positioned where she was content and comfortable. The only display that something more than a friendly catch-up. Her eyes were swollen, puffy and red from crying and there was an empty box of tissues lying on the floor, partially concealed by an oversized hospital blanket.  
"As long as she talks to someone…" Dylan sighed softly, leaning up against the doorframe. "She needs someone who she trusts more than a friend…" He jumped as Zoe tentatively took hold of his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. He looked at her for a moment, the warmth and support in her chocolate brown gaze filling him with more strength and happiness than he had felt for a long time. This was it now, this was his chance to do what Sam had been pestering him to do pretty much since they had got the divorce papers signed. "I'm not that person anymore Zoe. We've both moved on…" He gave her a nervous smile, gently squeezing her hand back and feeling her fingers gently shift to intertwine with his.  
"Shall we go and take poor Dervla for a walk..? She's been cooped up in the back of the truck all this time…"

Tom could barely believe it as the beautiful by severely injured woman in his arms strained herself forward, using immense effort, and kissed him very lightly on the lips. The very light brush made every hair on his body stand on end, and he gently stroked her hair from her face, being careful not to press on the mass of bandages that swamped one side of her pretty face. Leaning in, he tenderly returned the kiss; feeling her smile gently under the sensitive touch of his lips.  
"Love you…"She mumbled sleepily, her one visible eye barely open she was so tired out from her experiences, and then the crippling pain of having to tell Tom exactly what had happened to herself and her comrades during the time that they had been held captive.  
"I love you too Sam…" He stroked her cheek gently as she drifted back off into a relatively deep, and thankfully dreamless, sleep. The feel of her soft skin, the strength in her amazing jaw structure and her beautiful little dimples made his heart skip a beat; he hadn't realised quite how hard he had fallen for the woman that was lying in his arms. Cradling her, her head having moved position to loll comfortably against his strong shoulder, Tom himself could feel the love that he felt for her washing from him like waves gently lapping against a white sandy beach. Kissing her forehead, he buried his face in her soft blonde hair, that had been carefully washed by one of the nurses, and inhaled her own sweet scent; no amount of medical disinfectants could wash that away.  
"I love you…"


	23. Chapter 23

**I am SO sorry that this update has taken so long to write! I'll try and update more regularly now, but I'm snowed under with college work at the mo, darn A Levels :( Anyway, I hope this chapter makes up for it, there isn't much left to go now (unless I change my mind haha). Thank you for reading, and I'd love it I culd have some constructive feedback..? :) (Much love to those who have already reviewed!) Thanks! :) xxx**

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Sam whimpered in pain, the pad over her eye turning a shade of crimson, creeping down over the soft gauze and through the bandage.  
"Dylan…" She stiffly reached out an arm, crying out as another wave of agony washed over her battered body. "Dylan… Save him..! Save him..!" Tears streamed down her cheek as she struggled against the constrictions of the blanket which was tucked tightly around her. Dylan was sat by her side, replacing Tom who had been obviously distressed by her night terrors.  
"Shhh Sam… I'm here, you're safe…" He gently stroked her hair back from her face, examining the padded bandage that was quickly becoming soaked in blood.  
"Can I have some help in here?" He called out of the door before returning to her side. "Shhh Sam, I've got you…"  
"Dylan save him!" She reached for him, grabbing hold of his hand and clinging onto it as if her life depended on it. "Please!"

"Oh wow…" Dylan murmured as the pad from Sam's eye was peeled back, revealing the deep gash that was sluggishly oozing dark blood. He realised just how lucky she had been not to have lost her eye. Crusts of dried blood and muck from the huge gash were sealing her eye shut; the area surrounding it was swollen and an awful purple colour. He had seen numerous facial wounds before, but this one was bringing the bile from the bottom of his stomach right up into his throat.  
"Not normally the reaction to this kind of wound, but we'll go with it…" The consultant didn't look up from examining Sam's eye, although he could sense the amusement in his voice.  
"Well, it is Dylan…" Sam hissed in pain as the dressing was fully pulled back, revealing the full extent of the damage. Dylan noticed the small shards of, what he assumed to be, shrapnel still imbedded in her face, perilously close to her eye.  
"Yes…" The woman nodded and gently began to clean away some of the blood. "I'm afraid you have got a nasty infection in here Sam, we're going to get it cleaned up for you as quickly as possible ok..?"  
"Sure…" She shrugged slowly in response, wincing as she moved her battered body. Dylan realised that he still had no idea about the severity of her other injuries.  
"I'll clean it up if you like." He offered instinctively, looking the consultant directly in the eye; hoping beyond belief that she would take him up on his offer. His hope diminished slightly when, instead of nodding as he had hoped, she looked down at her patient.  
"Would that be ok with you Sam, if he sorted you out?"  
"Makes no difference to me." She muttered, looking up at them with her one good eye, a blue pool that was glittering strangely as they spoke, Dylan noticed. "He'll only fuss around anyway, and I'd trust him with my life."  
"Alright then…"She watched as Dylan went to wash his hands, as he picked up the solution and the soft cotton buds and as he started his work before backing out quietly.

"You just couldn't wait to get your hands on me, could you Grumpy…" She smiled briefly, struggling to keep him within her, now severely limited, sight. "The first chance you had, you pounced."  
"You make it sound like a bad thing." He responded without looking up from what he was doing, the slight relaxing of her body at the gentleness of his touch speaking volumes. _She had been scared before, that was why he hadn't recognised that look… Try and get her talking Dylan… _But he wasn't going to have to try.  
"I expect you'll want to examine the rest of them when you're done…" Her voice was quiet and shaking, so much so that he had to strain to hear her. "I know you Dylan… Even after everything… I know you'll take care of me…"


End file.
